Meeting new people can be a daunting task, but it’s one that’s necessary if you want to expand your social circle, build your network or just have more fun.
If you are looking to build a thriving social life, you can read more about that here.
Fortunately, with a few tips and tricks, you can learn how to approach and make new friends with confidence and ease. Here are 43 tips and things to say to meet new people gracefully:
Tips to Help You Be a Better Conversationalist
1. Smile – it’s the best icebreaker
A warm smile can break through the initial tensions or awkwardness in a conversation and make the other person feel more comfortable around you. People naturally reflect back what they see, so if they see you smiling, you’ll help them feel happier.
Being friendly and approachable also helps you to connect with people more easily, which could lead to new friendships, positive professional relationships, or just a pleasant encounter. Smiling shows that you are open to communication, and it can contribute to a positive atmosphere in any situation.
If you’re wondering why you would want to meet new people in the first place because it sounds like a drag to you, this article shows the many benefits of meeting new people.
2. Offer a handshake, fist bump, or high five to create a physical connection
Touching someone creates a connection and creates positive feelings toward you.
There are a few simple ways to accomplish this when meeting someone new, the most notable and understood being a handshake. There’s a reason it’s such a popular greeting: it works. Adding a shoulder touch can elevate friendliness, but is not necessary.
If the situation calls for it (most don’t), opt for a fist bump or high five instead. A fist bump is often seen as a more casual and friendly greeting, while a high five is energetic and playful.
3. Ask open-ended questions – this helps keep the conversation flowing
We’ll give some great examples of open-ended questions to ask in the next section, but the main takeaway from this tip is to avoid asking yes or no questions.
For instance, instead of asking highly used, “Are you from around here?” you can ask “Where did you grow up?” or “What brought you to (insert place)?”
This provides an opportunity for life to be brought into the new conversation through the twists and turns that a fluid conversation takes.
4. Be genuinely curious about what others have to say
This is the ultimate conversation hack. Being genuinely curious about the person you are meeting will create questions and interesting topics of conversation naturally.
If someone says that they love to go ice fishing (a topic I know nothing about), I can ask what they like about it so much. Maybe they love pushing their body to its limit by being in the cold while needing to be patient. Or maybe it was something they grew up doing as a family.
Both of these can lead to interesting conversational paths if you ask follow-up questions.
5. Try to find out what interests people and ask them about it
When you stay curious about the other person, you should naturally be able to figure out what interests them. And when you ask questions about people’s interests, they will think of you as a great conversationalist.
As seen in the above ice fishing example, if you find that someone’s interest has a deeper layer, you can ask them about that. Maybe you’ll find that it’s part of a larger overall interest in the outdoors. You’ll only find those things out if you ask about them.
6. Remember that small talk can lead to big connections
This is more of a reminder than a tip. If you’re anything like me, you crave the depth of a meaningful connection more than figuring out how many degrees the weather will change this week.
But small talk doesn’t need to be shallow. You can ask all sorts of interesting questions about someone’s background if you avoid the generic “How are you?” and “What do you do (for work)?”
Asking about someone’s daily or weekly routine will get you a lot of those answers while getting the other person thinking, which makes them view you as a more interesting conversationalist.
That may sound like a lot of time and energy, as socializing often is. If you want to learn about how often you should socialize, here’s an article for you.
7. Find common ground and build from there
If you’re having trouble coming up with questions (which hopefully won’t happen often if you’re curious about the other person), ask questions about hobbies, activities, or interests that you have to find common ground.
At a really basic level, you’re in the same place at the same time, so asking how the other person knows the host or heard about the event you’re at is a place to start.
Asking about someone’s weekly routine often brings up some hobbies like reading, watching TV, or playing games. If you sense a potential commonality in that, you can ask follow-up questions and discover more shared interests as a result.
8. Embrace the awkward moments as necessary steps in the journey
Awkward moments are bound to come up as you meet new people. That’s okay. People don’t tend to remember them, and a few awkward interactions shouldn’t keep you from the possibility of hundreds of incredible interactions.
Unfortunately, I’ve often let flashbacks of awkward conversations keep me from putting myself out there and meeting people. I have no idea how many engaging conversations I’ve missed out on because of my inability to push past that.
Another added bonus of awkward moments is that you can share them with others to break the ice. Everyone can relate to awkward moments, and it helps you seem more human.
You could avoid this awkwardness altogether by never meeting new people, but that won’t get you very far. For a deeper look into how often you should meet new people, check out this article.
9. Use people’s names in conversation – it shows that you’re paying attention
People love hearing their names as it brings familiarity and a sense of being known and listened to.
When you use people’s names in a conversation, it shows, if only in a small way, that you care about them and what they have to say.
Don’t use it in every sentence, especially if you’re talking 1-on-1, but saying the other person’s name in a few places like, “So, Andrew, what is your favorite thing to do on the weekend?” can go a long way.
Questions to Ask to Spark Conversation
I came across the idea of conversation sparkers from Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards. She says to avoid cliche sayings like “How are you?” that people respond to automatically without thinking. With that in mind, using the tips above and the questions below, you’ll be ready to spark conversations, if it takes some practice.
Starting and continuing a conversation can be intimidating, especially with someone you don’t know very well or haven’t spoken to in a while.
The first several have explanations to help show where they can lead and get you thinking about other questions you can ask. Then the rest will be listed.
Pick as many or as few as you want. You’ll likely gravitate toward some questions and away from others based on your own interest and style. That’s great! The goal is to help you be as interesting and engaged a conversationalist as you want to be. Use the tips and questions from this article to do just that.
1. Did you do anything fun this weekend?
This is a nice entry-level question that you can use to get to know people just a bit and give you a starting point for the rest of the conversation. It’s also a great substitute for the engagement-killing “How are you?”
This works not just for new people, but anyone you want to catch up with. You can also adapt the question to ask about the next weekend.
2. Are you working on any passion projects?
I asked someone this question when the conversation was starting to get pretty dull and awkward. I learned that the other person had a dog-watching business and was working on leveling it up in a way that I found really interesting and learned a lot about. Not only that, but her eyes lit up the whole time, which made me enjoy the interaction more.
3. What’s a day/week in your life look like?
Along a similar vein to the weekend question, you can find out a lot about a person by having them walk you through a normal day.
Maybe their work is fascinating, or they could have a hobby you’re really interested in. They could even be reading your favorite book series or watching your favorite TV show.
4. What’s your favorite thing about where you live?
This one is great because it works whether you’re talking to someone in the area or someone you met at a conference who doesn’t live anywhere nearby.
They could also take it in a lot of different directions, like their neighborhood, city, or family. This gives you an opportunity to go on a fun conversational adventure together.
5. What are some of your favorite places to go on vacation?
Asking about things people enjoy will make the conversation interesting for both of you. Additionally, you could learn about a family tradition that created amazing memories or a crazy trip they took in college.
Those paths naturally lend themselves to new questions as you chase things you heard from the other person that make you curious.
6. What is the most interesting thing you’ve learned recently?
This is another question that can be taken a few different ways. They could be learning about themselves through introspective practices or a recent interaction they had.
They could also recall a fun fact that they heard or even a really cool system that they’ve been learning about.
7. What is the most memorable place you’ve been to?
8. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
9. What is a place you’ve always wanted to visit and why?
10. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
11. What is your favorite type of music?
12. What has been your biggest accomplishment so far?
13. What is your favorite hobby or activity to do in your free time?
14. What is your favorite memory from childhood?
15. What is a skill you’d like to learn in the future?
16. What is an activity or skill that you wish you had more time for?
17. What is your favorite way to relax after a long day?
18. What is the most interesting thing you’ve learned about a different culture?
19. What are some of your favorite books?
20. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try, but haven’t had the chance to yet?
21. What’s some of the best advice someone has ever given you?
22. What’s your favorite way to relax after a long day?
23. What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in life so far?
24. What’s your go-to karaoke song?
25. Do you have any siblings, and what’s your relationship with them like?
26. What’s your favorite thing about your current job or profession?
27. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
28. What’s your favorite way to spend a lazy day?
29. What’s your favorite memory from childhood?
30. Who’s your biggest inspiration in life?
31. What’s your favorite type of cuisine or food?
32. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?
33. What’s the most interesting thing you’ve read lately?
34. What’s the most interesting museum you’ve ever visited?
Ultimately, the key to sparking a good conversation is to be genuinely interested in the other person and to listen actively to what they have to say. By asking thoughtful, open-ended questions and showing a willingness to engage with the other person’s thoughts and opinions, you can create a rich and rewarding conversation that leaves both of you feeling more connected and engaged with the world around you.